You know when you're thinking about when your next meeting is, where you have to be, how you're going to get there, whether you'll eat chickfila or cookout or be healthy and get a salad from whole foods, how you haven't called your family in a few days, and how you haven't spoken to anyone west of Tennessee in a week (oops, sorry guys. I promise I still love you), then you look out the window and you've been aimlessly driving around for 10 minutes. And now my gas tank is empty and I don't know why my music is so loud, or how I know every word to the one direction song that's blaring out of this two ton car going 65 miles per hour.
It's not because I'm a women. Or a bad driver. Even though statistics are against me. And friends like to joke.
It's because life is messy.
Everyday something comes up.
We smile when everything seems to go wrong. We say the right jokes at the right time to make someone else laugh (because that makes us feel good). And we sugarcoat our lives to make it seem okay. We pretend. We seem to only talk about what struggles we have already overcome. Rarely you hear someone saying that they struggle with not feeling good enough because there's a voice in your head highlighting what you could be doing better. Or those times you brought up someone else's faults when you already "forgave" them. Or when you look in the mirror and don't see beauty.
These are some of my struggles. And they are real. They are current. They are extremely messy. They are constant, and will take a lifetime to understand.
We all do it. (I mean, I hope it's not just me)
We forget everyone around us is also human.
We all have avalanches that fall down on us.
Everyone has at least a single moment of weakness in their life.
Every. Single. Person.
Because that's just it: we are people.
Ironically, change isn't my favorite thing. (even though I've lived in more places than I can count on one hand in the past few years) but it is inevitable. We are ever changing. Our thoughts, socks, emotions, wants, desires, looks, clothing choices, hair styles, dreams are different now.
And change should happen.
It has too.
We are not sweaters that can be thrown away after a certain amount of time.
We are people, that constantly change with each other.
But let it be known, that it's not the Lord that needs to alter his path.
It's you. And it's me.
On a mildly unrelated note, I started using spotify. again. And I guess I forgot about music amidst the chaos life has been. But I'm back full force into finding music. And rediscovering albums that I had let slip through the cracks of my iPhone sync log.
There's something powerful about words. And I think these one's are cool.
"You've been waiting there, waiting for the right time, looking for a perfect rhyme that never comes around. It's all here. It's all now. Open up your eyes and look around."
Way to go Gungor. You rock.
I'm typically not a fan of when people tell me "everything is right in front of you" or "just open your eyes, it's all right there" or "the answer will come in due time" or "it'll come when you're ready" or something to that nature.
As much as I want to dislike that. As much as I want to hide in my bed and watch netflix and make a pillow fort isolating myself that's not the answer either.
And honestly, I don't know the answer.
But I do know that life is supposed to be messy. And brutal. And confusing. And change is good.
Life is also a journey that is meant to be flooded with questions.
And the answers come in our faith. Wherever that may lay. From other people, to good deeds, to music lyrics, a good run, a journal entry, to a dream, or movie, a book, or the Lord.
One thing I want to get better at is communicating.
I want to be better at relaying my thoughts. Not just because it has gotten me in more messes than I can remember. But because that's what I'm challenging myself to do. Get better.
So, I'm asking for help. Let's talk. Let's work on it together. Because talking to myself in a mirror isn't as fun as it sounds.
Let's go for a walk, or drive, or talk on the phone, or skype.
Let's get coffee, or milkshakes, or tea, or barbecue.
I'll show you around my favorite parts of Winston.
Let's talk about struggles, and what's going on in our lives. And what speakers we've heard, or books, or the classes we've taken.
And most importantly, let's talk about nothing.
I'm giving you permission to text me. Or call me. Or show up in my town.
So, here's to communication and learning more about what makes life go 'round.
It's not because I'm a women. Or a bad driver. Even though statistics are against me. And friends like to joke.
It's because life is messy.
Everyday something comes up.
We smile when everything seems to go wrong. We say the right jokes at the right time to make someone else laugh (because that makes us feel good). And we sugarcoat our lives to make it seem okay. We pretend. We seem to only talk about what struggles we have already overcome. Rarely you hear someone saying that they struggle with not feeling good enough because there's a voice in your head highlighting what you could be doing better. Or those times you brought up someone else's faults when you already "forgave" them. Or when you look in the mirror and don't see beauty.
These are some of my struggles. And they are real. They are current. They are extremely messy. They are constant, and will take a lifetime to understand.
We all do it. (I mean, I hope it's not just me)
We forget everyone around us is also human.
We all have avalanches that fall down on us.
Everyone has at least a single moment of weakness in their life.
Every. Single. Person.
Because that's just it: we are people.
Ironically, change isn't my favorite thing. (even though I've lived in more places than I can count on one hand in the past few years) but it is inevitable. We are ever changing. Our thoughts, socks, emotions, wants, desires, looks, clothing choices, hair styles, dreams are different now.
And change should happen.
It has too.
We are not sweaters that can be thrown away after a certain amount of time.
We are people, that constantly change with each other.
But let it be known, that it's not the Lord that needs to alter his path.
It's you. And it's me.
On a mildly unrelated note, I started using spotify. again. And I guess I forgot about music amidst the chaos life has been. But I'm back full force into finding music. And rediscovering albums that I had let slip through the cracks of my iPhone sync log.
There's something powerful about words. And I think these one's are cool.
"You've been waiting there, waiting for the right time, looking for a perfect rhyme that never comes around. It's all here. It's all now. Open up your eyes and look around."
Way to go Gungor. You rock.
I'm typically not a fan of when people tell me "everything is right in front of you" or "just open your eyes, it's all right there" or "the answer will come in due time" or "it'll come when you're ready" or something to that nature.
As much as I want to dislike that. As much as I want to hide in my bed and watch netflix and make a pillow fort isolating myself that's not the answer either.
And honestly, I don't know the answer.
But I do know that life is supposed to be messy. And brutal. And confusing. And change is good.
Life is also a journey that is meant to be flooded with questions.
And the answers come in our faith. Wherever that may lay. From other people, to good deeds, to music lyrics, a good run, a journal entry, to a dream, or movie, a book, or the Lord.
One thing I want to get better at is communicating.
I want to be better at relaying my thoughts. Not just because it has gotten me in more messes than I can remember. But because that's what I'm challenging myself to do. Get better.
So, I'm asking for help. Let's talk. Let's work on it together. Because talking to myself in a mirror isn't as fun as it sounds.
Let's go for a walk, or drive, or talk on the phone, or skype.
Let's get coffee, or milkshakes, or tea, or barbecue.
I'll show you around my favorite parts of Winston.
Let's talk about struggles, and what's going on in our lives. And what speakers we've heard, or books, or the classes we've taken.
And most importantly, let's talk about nothing.
I'm giving you permission to text me. Or call me. Or show up in my town.
So, here's to communication and learning more about what makes life go 'round.